Echoes
by wowcute
Summary: Jily AU. James finds Lily at the end of the universe. "I don't even know you." "Well, I'd say it's worth the risk."


**This took an embarrassingly long amount of time. Enough said. If you review and favorite I'll love you forever! :)**

 **TRIGGER WARNING: THERE IS MENTION OF SUICIDE AND DEATH.**

The first time James Potter saw Lily Evans she was crying at the end of the universe. Well, the drop wasn't exactly the end of the universe, but it sure as hell felt like it. The drop, as this cliff had been nicknamed, was a long way up from the sharp rocks of the sea down below. It was a place notorious for the mass amounts of suicides.

Now, what was this prim and proper looking girl doing on top of the drop? Trying to kill herself. _It was the only logical explanation_ , James thought. She was shaking like a leaf and James was nearly positive it wasn't from the cold. She tugged at her long red hair and screamed into her hand. James was sure that she had not seen him yet.

 _The view sure is nice for such a morbid place._ And then James laughed because it was so utterly ridiculous to be thinking about the spectacular blue sky or the billowing trees in the distance when a girl was about to jump off of the edge right before his eyes. With his hands deep in his pockets he approached the girl. The girl who was screaming and crying so hard that his heart nearly broke for this perfect stranger.

He touched her shoulder and she spun around so fast that he was sure that her neck would break. He was taken aback at how young she looked, right around his age actually.

"Excuse me," James said, "but I'm going to have to ask you to back away from the edge." She wiped her eyes on the edge of her sleeve and shot him a glare.

"Excuse me," the girl replied, "but I'm going to have to ask you to mind your own business."

She turned her back on him and took a step closer to the edge, but James couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let the pretty redhead with the smart mouth leave.

"Please, don't." He said again.

"What?" She asked. "Are you going to say that this isn't the answer? Because I don't think I asked for your opinion."

"I don't want you to leave, that's all." He didn't know why he wanted to protect this girl so badly. "I know you want to, I know you feel like you're just going to explode with the desire to let it all go, but stop and think about the people you're leaving behind."

"I'm not leaving anyone behind!" She shouted. "They left me behind, all right?" Her eyes were blazing again and she looked as though she wanted to throttle him for forcing this confession out of her.

"Do you know who you're talking to?" He asked abruptly.

"Yes, a prat who doesn't understand the definition of personal space."

"No. Well, yes," James admitted, "but I'm James Potter."

"Potter? You're parents are the head of the Secret Service Bureau or something."

"Something like that." He nodded. "Now, what's your name?" _Maybe if I keep her talking I can think of a plan…_

"Lily Evans." She said quietly, her eyes wandering to the cliff's edge again and James was quite happy to say that he thought he saw a spark of doubt in her eyes.

"Lily, you shouldn't jump." He said. "You could go to uni next year, you could change the world, but you're snubbing out your chances."

She met his gaze. "You make it sound like it's so easy to live, but I've got nothing left, nowhere to go. My mum and dad are dead and my sister's excommunicated me. What kind of chances of changing the world do I have?" She asked fiercely.

"Come live with me." He said. It was an impulse, but he knew that it was what he wanted anyway.

"What?" She asked.

"You said you have nowhere to go." He said. "Well, I've got a flat all to myself."

"This is ridiculous." Lily shook her head. "I don't even know you."

He glanced down the steep drop. "Well, I'd say it's worth the risk."

* * *

Lily sat on the edge of James's new couch, looking highly uncomfortable. He had just taken her to her sister's house where they had taken all of her things. Her sister had let her go with barely a second glance.

On one hand James was relieved that this experience was so painless, but on the other he was angry that she hadn't questioned him, that she hadn't made sure that her sister was safe. He could almost understand why she wanted to jump.

"Why didn't your sister acknowledge you?" He asked.

"Why does anyone do anything?" She asked, playing with the ends of her hair, eyes not meeting his. "Because they want to."

He took the seat next to her. "You know that's not what I meant."

"No, I don't." But her hands were shaking and she still wouldn't look at him.

"It's ok." He said because that was the truth. It wasn't ok that her sister ostracized and treated Lily contemptuously, no, what was ok was that Lily did not want to talk about it.

"No, it's not." She met his eyes for the first time that night and he noticed how brilliantly green hers were. "It's not ok, James." He liked the way his name sounded when she said it. "She never shuts up about what a freak I am and I can't even…"

"A freak?" James couldn't help but ask.

"I…I like magic." She told him. "I like card tricks and those ones where they cut people in half." He noticed her pale skin turning redder as she continued speaking. "It…I killed my mum."

At those words she seemed to crumble. She didn't cry, only let her face fall into her hands, her back shaking. Somehow this was worse. "Lily, I don't think you-"

"I'm tired." She said cutting him off.

With a sigh he offered his hand to her and led her down the hall.

* * *

By the time James woke up Lily was already sitting in his kitchen. She had taken a pen from the counter and was in the process of writing words along her arm. Upon closer inspection he realized that she was actually tracing over already fading letters.

"Oh!" She jumped in her seat, the pen running down her arm, a line of ink trailing in its wake. She raised her arm level with his face so that he could read the words written in a curvy cursive: _The, if, and, home, house, light, tub, table, chair…_ And many other words of similar unimportance.

"My gran had alzheimer's." Lily explained, without him having to ask. "She knew she had it and she would get so frustrated because sometimes she would be looking for a word and it wouldn't come. So she told me, 'your memory isn't forever, but writing is; words are.' Ever since then I've written any word I could think of on my arm in the mornings, until it was covered."

She was looking at him expectantly and he could feel the weight of her gaze. Her will to make him think that her actions were normal. He took the pen from her hand and he could see her face fall. "Can I help?" She smiled.

After almost an hour of work they had managed to cover the entirety of Lily's arm. James had contributed some of his favorite words such as _contraband_ and _jinx._ And they talked. They talked about how much Lily loved coca-cola (and how much James hated it), they talked about James's parents, they talked about roller coasters, they talked about bad music, they talked about anything they could think of.

They ended up with steaming mugs of coffee and James discovered that she liked it with practically the entire jar of sugar and all of his milk. She liked to read the paper with her legs curled under her and she was awake for almost every sunrise. "Today was number five hundred and two." He nearly mentioned that she wanted to stop at five hundred and one.

He discovered that, just like him, she was lonely. She said that she hated the sound of echoes because they only happened when the room was empty and you were alone.

And sometimes when he spoke to her he would forget that she had almost killed herself, he would wonder if anything was actually wrong. But she cried almost every night and shouted in her sleep. And that was when he discovered that Lily Evans was quite a good actress.

Lily spoke on the phone to someone every night. Apparently, her sister had decided that she could still pay her cellphone bill. By the end of every conversation he could hear her sobbing, but by the time he checked on her she was cleaned up and refused to talk about it.

"It's nothing, really." She promised and then she would excuse herself for a walk and wouldn't come back for a few hours. The first time this happened, James was terrified. He did not know what she was going to do and so he followed her.

For an hour she would stand in front of an old building with her fingers curled around the iron gate. It was a foster home and James couldn't understand why she stood there for so long in the cold, whispering something he couldn't hear, her breaths coming out in puffs.

Then she would catch a late bus to a small, rundown city called Cokesworth and she would walk around the winding streets with such purpose in her steps, avoiding every pothole as if she knew they would be there in the dark. She walked past houses and past a park, lingering near an old swing set for a moment or two, before boarding the bus again and returning to James's flat.

"Are you all right?" James asked innocently, having got into his flat with the aid of his fire escape.

"Yeah." She muttered. "I just had to run an errand." He wanted to call her out on her lie, to shout out that she didn't have to pretend she was ok when he had _seen_ her about to take her life, but he found himself nodding.

"Ok." He said. "I was worried about you."

"Don't be." She said. "I'm just fine." And then she disappeared into her bedroom.

He tried to think of some way to help her, but nothing came to mind. She was a mess, there was no denying that. She wrote on her arm, she travelled to neighborhoods that she seemed to have a connection to, and she spoke to someone who always made her cry. She had trouble letting go of the past.

She reminded him of someone.

* * *

He came home with bottles of coke, sharpies, and a pizza.

"Here." He handed her one of the black markers.

"What are these for?" She asked. He didn't really know what to say at that moment. It was so very frustrating because he knew why he had brought the markers, but couldn't remember how to articulate it.

"You can't have all of these words." He told her. By the looks she was giving him he could tell that she didn't understand. His hands found his hair and he took a few deep breaths before continuing. "Your arm, I mean. You write all of those words on them, but they're not yours."

"I don't know what you mean."

He almost wanted to agree with her. It really didn't make much sense, but he wanted her to stop writing on her arm. He wanted her to move forward, to keep the past as a part of her and not let it control her. "What's your favorite word?"

"Ever?"

"Yeah, Lily, ever."

"I don't know. I've never really thought about it."

"Well, time to start thinking." He said. She furrowed her brows, turning the marker over in her hands.

James then uncapped the pen and wrote, 'contraband' over the window.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked. "You do know that you can't get that out, right?"

"That's my favorite word and that's my favorite place." He told her. He didn't add that this flat was his favorite place in the world because it had hidden him from Sirius and Remus and his parents and anyone who thought that they could help him. "Have you thought of a word?"

"Yes," She told him.

"Then let's go to your favorite place." He said. "I'll let you drive."

"I don't know how."

"Then direct me." He grabbed her hand and they set off towards his car.

It was raining outside, well drizzling really, but James hated any type of rain. "It was raining when-" James started absentmindedly, but managed to stop himself.

"When what?" She asked.

"Never mind." He flashed her a strained smile.

"Ok," She told him. He knew she wouldn't say anything. She had too many secrets of her own to be asking him about his.

His car was cold and as he cranked the heat up he could still hear the rain pounding on the room. "Talk to me." He said. "Please."

"You've got a nice car." She said.

"Louder, please."

"The pizza is going to get cold!" Lily shouted and James was thankful that he couldn't hear the rain anymore.

"I probably should have gotten it after!"

"Yeah, probably! Turn left here!" He followed her instructions. "When you hit Holmes Avenue make another left!"

"Ok would you like to share where we're going!"

"No thank you!"

"Good thing I like living life on the edge!" It wasn't even a good joke, but they were both laughing and James didn't notice the rain anymore. She looked nice when she laughed. She did it so rarely, but when she did she _really_ laughed. The full, head tipped back, breathy laugh, that made her look like an idiot. And James loved it so much.

"Oh yes!" She said. "I can really tell! I mean, letting pizza go cold? What a rebel!" And they were back to shouting over the rain, but James still didn't notice it because all he could see right now was Lily. He had always known that she was pretty, but this was completely different. She looked at ease for the first time since he had met her. He quickly switched his gaze back to the road.

 _I've been here before._ Suddenly he was cold, as if all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs, because these streets looked so damn familiar. He was choking on air and the road was becoming blurrier, his breathing heavier.

"James!" Lily shouted. "Pull over!" And he did, thankful for the break from driving. She put a hand on his back because he was shaking so hard and he couldn't remember a time when things hadn't been this painful, when he hadn't been completely empty.

"Lily…" He said. "Lily, please." And then he was crying because the world was cracking again and this was the place, the place that it had all started. The place where the cracks become noticeable. Lily didn't cry, but he could. He could scream into the windshield like he had on the way to the hospital.

She wrapped her arms around him, trying to hold him together, trying to hide his cracks with hers.

"He just left Lily." James said. "He didn't even tell us he was leaving. It wasn't fair."

"I know." She said, even though he knew that she didn't. Hell, she didn't even know what he was talking about, but her reassuring words reached somewhere deep inside of him and he turned, pushing his mouth against hers.

His full attention was diverted to her. His hands were on her cheeks and hers were in his hair and he was kissing her. He was afraid that one of them would break because they were both so fragile and cracked. The car was cold, but she was warming him from the inside, he could feel his face flushing.

"I'm sorry." James said, pulling himself away from her. This was taking advantage. She wasn't in a great place right now and neither was he. She didn't answer him, only took his hand which was clenched into a fist and spread his fingers flat one by one. He felt the cool tip of the marker on the palm of his hand and wondered what Lily was doing.

When she was done she curled his fingers into a fist again and dropped the marker into the cup holder.

"Let's go." She said. "I want to go back." James was relatively calmer and drove to the flat with ease.

After Lily had bid him a goodnight he opened his hand, revealing the word she had written. Her favorite word, in her favorite place. The smudged cursive spelled out the word 'home.'

* * *

Lily didn't write on her arm that morning or the next one or even the one after that. She didn't talk about what had happened in the car either. Maybe it was because she didn't understand it or because she had always thought James was strong, whatever the reason James was thankful that she didn't mention it. It had been the first time he had broken down in front of anyone since the funeral and he hated feeling so weak.

The word on his hand had been washed away, but he couldn't forget that it had been there. A few reminders of that night were the word contraband written by the window (it seemed like such a meaningless word now) and the fact that Lily had taken to holding his hand. She was always warm and he felt safe when his hand was wrapped in hers, as if he could take on the world.

They spoke all of the time, but he didn't talk about the accident and she didn't talk about her mysterious phone calls. There was some sort of unspoken agreement of secrecy between them.

He knew the silly things about her, like the fact that she had gone to the same primary school as him, Hogwarts Prep School (they did not remember each other) and that she loved the winter. She knew that he drew a lot, but she didn't know that he drew her. She knew that he hated springtime, but not the reason behind it.

They didn't really know or understand each other, but James could feel himself falling for Lily regardless. Falling for her soft words, for her small hand in his, for her broken smile.

The truth was that he thought he could fix her; he thought she could fix him. That was wrong, but he could not quite understand that yet. He didn't understand that they weren't toys. He didn't understand that they had to fix themselves, that only they knew where their pieces were supposed to fit. So yes, they were both broken. And yes, he very much loved her.

Someone was banging on the door. James dug his fingers into the couch cushions because he knew who was there and he wanted them to go away. He wished he could ignore it forever, like he had been doing for the past month, but Lily was sleeping and he didn't want her to wake up. So he closed his eyes and picked himself up from the couch, heading to the door.

"Go away." He said through the door.

But Sirius was screaming at the top of his lungs. "Let us in James!"

"Please, just leave." James said shakily. "Get the hell away!"

"You're bloody fucking ridiculous if you think we're going anywhere." He could hear someone sniffle and knew it must be Remus.

He pushed his palms against the door to keep them from trembling. "Are you deaf? I told you to leave!"

"James! You've been ignoring us for a month! We've finally gotten you to speak to us, we're not leaving!" James stumbled away from the door, shoving the cotton sleeve of his jumper into his mouth, they couldn't hear him sobbing. He would have to pretend he was impassive, that he didn't care, if they would ever go away. Because it was true, they had tried to call and come to his apartment, but he had ignored them each and every time. This was the most he had spoken to them in a long while.

Then he heard the sound of a knob being turned and his front door was opened.

"Lily! What the hell?" James jumped to his feet. "Don't let them-"

She pressed a hand on his back. "You've got people who care about you, that's more than most can say. Don't block them out." Remus and Sirius were watching their exchange with questioning looks on their faces. "I'm tired James, goodnight." She tapped her hand against his quickly before turning back to her room.

Remus and Sirius followed James to his couch. He didn't really know how to explain how seeing them made him feel. Of course he was angry. Angry that Lily had let them in when he had been trying so hard to shut them out, to shut everyone out. Then there was some part of him that was so incredibly happy because they were here; his friends were here and they would fix him.

"Who was that?" Sirius asked.

Remus elbowed him. "That's not why we're here Sirius."

"Lily." James said anyway. "Her name is Lily." And he smiled because he saved her life and now he was going to save her mind and she would finally understand what it meant to be alive.

"James, please, don't do that again." Remus said. "Don't shut us out. We want to help you."

"I want you to help me too," James said, "but I don't know if you can."

"Well, you can't do it alone!" Sirius roared.

"I know, I know." James said, trying to quiet them down.

"No, I don't think you do James!" Sirius said, standing up from the couch. "You weren't the only one hurt!"

"Sirius, don't-" Remus started.

"Don't talk to me like that, Remus! James needs to come back to his senses!"

James stood. " _My_ senses? Peter is dead, Sirius!"

"Yeah, I've noticed, thanks!" Sirius's eyes flared.

"Really, have you? Because from what I've seen both of you are just acting as if he never existed!"

Remus placed a hand on James's shoulder. "James, we've lost one mate, we don't want to lose you too."

"Don't touch me!" He knocked Remus's hand away. Then he thought about Lily's words. _"You've got people who care about you, that's more than most can say. Don't block them out."_ He dropped to the couch, his head in his hands. "I'm broken, I don't know why you lot are even trying." Tears were blurring his vision and he had never felt so tired, he had never been as hyperaware of the weight pressing against his back as he was now.

"Do you remember when we were fifteen and we tried to go fishing?" Remus asked.

"What does that have to do with-"

"Just answer the question."

"Yeah." James laughed. "We were there all bloody day with barely anything to show for it."

"Well, yeah, but do you remember what happened?"

"Not really."

"We all caught something within a few hours, well everyone except Pete. He told us that we should just go back, that he was never going to catch anything. And do you remember what you told him?"

"'We're mates, we don't give up on each other.'"

"Exactly," Remus said. "Now what makes you think that anything has changed?"

* * *

The dishes were piling up again. Neither James nor Lily could seem to find the energy to wash them. They mostly sat together on the couch, staring blankly at the television, not really speaking to each other. James was angry. He thought they were good for each other, but here they were lapsing into their own depressions.

Remus and Sirius came almost every day of the week. Remus would do the dishes that had been piling up or the laundry, sometimes both, while Sirius would try to get their spirits up.

But today they couldn't come and so the dishes were piled in the sink again.

It was also one of the days that Lily and James were speaking.

"What kind of music do you like?" Lily asked, digging through the assortment of lollies that James had bought.

"Classic rock." He said. "That's Sirius's fault. What about you?"

"Oh, you know." Lily said vaguely. "My taste is all over the place."

"Like?"

"I like almost anything."

"What about Queen?"

"Obviously." James stood from the couch and ran to his room without a word. He heard Lily snort from the other room and mutter, "Figures," under her breath. After a moment of digging between his sheets he returned with his phone.

"I like Queen too." He said resuming his spot on the couch, "Bohemian Rhapsody" already blasting through his speakers. "'I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low.'" He was practically screaming the words at her and she couldn't help but laugh. Her laugh in turn made him laugh and he couldn't continue singing anymore. They fell over each other on the couch and James could barely breathe.

Then their laughter turned into breathy gasps until they had lapsed into an easy silence, heads nearly touching, legs thrown over opposite arm rests.

James liked days like these, when Lily would laugh so hard she cried and when he was the one to do it. He didn't know if he liked her for the right reasons, but at this point he didn't care. He only knew that she made him smile easily, like it used to be.

"Knock, knock." She said.

"Who's there?"

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Oops, I did it again." He laughed again because that was the worst joke he had heard in a long time. She grinned, covering her mouth. "I ruined that joke, sorry."

"It was awful either way."

"Don't worry, I know." She said. "That's why I didn't laugh. Unlike some people."

"It was a pity laugh."

"Sure, Potter."

"It's the truth, Evans."

"Sure, Potter." She was grinning like an idiot, red hair falling in front of her green eyes.

"What do you want to do for dinner?" He asked, stomach growling.

Lily considered for a moment. Dinner was a very big deal for them. "I can make something. You're rubbish at cooking." He simply shrugged, it was the truth anyway.

She headed to the kitchen and he could hear the pots clinking together as she reached for one. His cabinets were a mess. He followed her, "Do you need any help?"

"Sure, can you chop an onion?"

"Hopefully." He said, reaching for a cutting board as she turned the oven on. "Just don't set the flat on fire, yeah?" For a moment he wondered why she was so quiet. It had been a joke, they were always joking around. He turned to look at her and saw her eyes squeezed shut and hands balled into fists. He didn't say anything either, didn't know what he was supposed to say, because this was so unlike her. Usually she took his jokes in stride. What had been different about this one? "Lily, are you-"

"Does it look like I'm ok?" She snapped. "I'm going out."

"When are you going to come back?"

"I don't know." She said, striding out of his flat with her jaw set. The door slammed behind her and James could hear the ringing echoes even after he knew that she was gone.

"She didn't even take her coat." He muttered, checking the weather on his phone. "It's freezing." Then he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because that's her biggest problem."

He wondered if he should go after her. Of course he wanted to, but she had seemed so upset when she had left. For that fleeting moment, he thought about himself. About how little he wanted to face this problem, about how he only wanted to fall asleep and wake up in the morning to find Lily watching the sunrise. Then he remembered that she was fucked up, just like him, and that she might try to kill herself again. He remembered the last time he saw someone dead.

He grabbed his car keys and threw his phone deep into his sweatshirt pocket, rushing to his car. He knew exactly where she was, it was the only place he thought she would be anyway.

Dialing her number, he put his phone on speaker and began to drive. _…please leave a message after the beep…_ He didn't reach for the end button, only continued driving, breathing hard to try and calm himself. He could only hope that whatever they had been doing together had been enough to stop her from trying to jump again. Because he wasn't going to the drop, he would never go there again, and if she had gone there then that meant that she didn't want to be saved. No, he was going to Cokesworth.

It was raining; it always seemed to be raining when Lily was involved. He went to the swing set, that was where she had lingered the longest that night he had followed her.

And she was there, drenched in rain and talking to a tall boy. James hastily parked his car on the grass and stepped out. They were screaming at each other.

"I don't want to speak to you anymore, Sev!" Lily shouted.

"Lily, you don't know what you're saying!"

"All you do anymore is make me cry!" And then everything clicked. He was the one she spoke to every night on the phone. He was the reason she always cried.

James rushed over, puddle sloshing onto the bottom of his already drenched jeans. He was in front of them within a moment and he finally got a good look at the boy's face. Snivillus, well, to be more precise his name was Severus Snape. James had gone to school with him, they tormented each other actually. The last he had heard of Severus he had joined a gang called 'the Death Eaters.'

"Leave her alone." James said, voice thick with rage.

Snape's eyes widened in disbelief. "Potter? Is that who you've been staying with Lily?" He grabbed her shoulders, pulling her towards him. "You can come stay with me. Let's go Lily."

"Haven't you been listening?" She tried to pull free. "I don't even want to _speak_ with you, let alone live with you."

"Then why did you call me here?"

"To tell you goodbye." Lily said, voice cracking at the end.

"But Lily…" His eye widened. "I love you."

She turned away. "I'm sorry."

James knew that he was interrupting a moment, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Lily was crying again and Snape wouldn't go anywhere. He stood solidly in front of her, trying to convince her that she was wrong, that she didn't know what was good for her.

"Let Lily decide for herself, Snape."

"This isn't your fight Potter."

"I didn't ask your opinion." James said. "Lily has your number and if she wants to see you she can call you."

"I don't want to be mates with your kind anyway. You're just a single." He didn't know what Snape meant, but he saw Lily's eyes flash in anger and turned just in time to see her fist connect with his face.

"Fuck you." She spat. "I'm not in secondary school anymore. I'm not going to take your shit."

"Lily, I didn't mean-"

She was shaking with rage. James had never seen her like this. "You've never said anything you didn't mean Snape." Lily turned to James now, regarding him with desperate green eyes. "Now, James and I are going home."

James wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder and they walked away, leaving Severus alone and shivering in the cold. "Are you ok?" He whispered.

"No." She buried her face deeper into his shoulder. They sat in James's car without driving, just sitting there as the heat hit them full in the face.

"Single." Lily muttered. "You probably don't know what that means." He shook his head. "Where we were from it used to be a big deal if you had a single parent. It was essentially another way of saying poor; one where nobody could catch your bullying." She paused, gaging his reaction. "My dad passed when I was five. I barely remember him."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"You ran out. I came to get you."

"Yeah." She said. "You said fire." She sent him a sideways glance and continued without being prompted. "It happened a month or two before you first met me. I told you I loved magic tricks, well I was practicing one in the house. There were supposed to be sparks, but they weren't supposed to hit the carpet. I had thought that mum and Tuney were out so I ran out of the house as quickly as I could and called the fire station. The house collapsed before they made it. When Tuney came home she called me a freak, she called my obsession with magic strange, and she said that she never wanted to talk to me again. I was nearly eighteen and so she let me live with her until I became of age. That's where I used to go every night: to a foster home. That's where I would have gone if she didn't jump in as my guardian. I owe her everything." Lily was crying hard and it seemed that she was reliving that day, reliving the day her world broke.

"One of my best friends is dead." James said. He didn't know what to say besides his own story. "A few weeks before I met you was when it happened. Peter was driving along the same street that I broke down on a while ago when his car slammed into another. They hit his engine or something and his car exploded. The only thing they found of him was his finger. There wasn't a body, it was a closed casket funeral. I've never been to his grave because it's useless, he's not there, his grave is empty. After that I stopped speaking. I locked myself in my flat. I wouldn't talk to my dad, mum, Sirius, or Remus. I understand Lily, I wanted to jump too." Flashes of the scenes raced through his mind. The disfigured finger on the ground, the bruise on his cheek from when he fell onto the street, the way everything started to taste like dust…

"Then why didn't you?" Lily asked.

"I saw you there and remembered that I couldn't protect Peter." James told Lily. "I had to protect someone and you were there. And thank god you were."

"I could say the same." Lily paused. "I've never properly said thank you for everything."

"Don't worry, you didn't have to." He closed his eyes. It was still raining and they were still in Cokesworth, but it felt as though they were a million miles away from everything, as if they were alone.

"We're real messes, aren't we?"

"Yeah Evans, we really are."

* * *

The world was broken, tilting off of its axis, slipping into the nothingness of space millions of miles per second. James loved it. Everything was different, topsy turvy, but in the right kind of way. When Lily spoke she waved her hands animatedly and kissed him full on the mouth when she felt like it. She stopped drawing on her arms, going to Cokesworth, and having tearful phone conversations with Snape. She was living again. And she was smart and bold and she made him laugh.

Remus suggested that they seek professional help and they had. James's parents offered to pay and they were now seeing therapists on a weekly basis. They went out some nights and Lily really took to a childhood friend of his named Marlene McKinnon. It was like living again.

She had thought that they were disasters and in reality they were. It just so happened that even the largest train wrecks can be cleared up and set back on course. It was all because of her. She was the reason all of this was happening. The reason that he hadn't turned into a broken body by the rocky shore. The reason that he hadn't been found by an innocent passerby. The reason that he was happy all the time. The reason that it clogged his pores until he was drowning in all of it, but it was more than drowning. He had been drowning for a while, no, this was breathing.

"Hey, James," Lily said, turning her phone over in her hands. "Do you think Marlene would want to go out to do something with me?" Her voice was hesitant, her cheeks burning red.

He grinned. "Of course. She really likes you."

"She does?" He felt a surge of _something._ All he knew was that he felt as though he needed to protect her because she was so insecure when she had no reason to be.

"Yeah, Lily, surprised that you're tolerable?"

She laughed and hit his shoulder. "I shouldn't have asked. If she's mates with you then she must have low standards."

"Ouch, you've wounded both my shoulder and ego."

"Good."

It was something like dancing badly: being with her. She was always moving one step to quickly and he was struggling to catch up. Her mind ran a thousand miles a minute and she loved with her everything. In comparison, he was stuck in the past, one foot dragging after the other. He was trying though and that was what mattered, he was only a step or two behind anyway, and she was always willing to stop for a moment.

He hoped that at one point they'd be in sync.

"I'm going to see mum and dad." Lily announced one morning, pulling on a jumper.

"Do you want me to drive you there?"

"Ok." He took his car keys from the table and followed her out the door. She had never visited her parents' graves, at least not to his knowledge, and he wanted to be there even though she wouldn't need him. _She never seems to need me._ It wasn't that he minded, he loved how independent she was, but he relied on her so much and wished she would do the same.

The drive was quiet. Lily sat silently, fumbling with her hands and avoiding his gaze. The cemetery was…well, James couldn't really think of a word to describe it, he had nothing to compare it to anyway.

"I'll wait here for you, ok?" James said. She didn't say anything, but her breathing had gotten a bit heavier and she wasn't meeting his eyes again. "Did I say something-"

"Can you come in with me?" She said over him. "I haven't ever been here alone and I don't know where to go or what to do and I'm…" She dropped her voice. "I'm so scared."

James had never been to a cemetery and so he was foolish and did not understand. "Yeah, of course." He said quickly. He didn't understand what it really was to read the name of someone you used to love, to touch, to laugh with, on a cold slab of marble. It was confirmation that they were gone, really and truly gone. And it was terrible being there, but it was nice too because you had some piece of them left. You knew that their bones were deep under that stone and that they had lived, breathed the same air as you and made mistakes and didn't get the chance to say goodbye.

He held her hand as she navigated through the rows of headstones, searching for one that she _knew_ had to be around here somewhere.

"Here." She said dropping to her knees in the middle of two graves. One, that was heavily dusty, bore the name 'Andrew Evans', while the other, newer looking one, read 'Suzanne Evans'. These were her parents. Her breathing came out in harsh gasps, as she reached out for something, for some way to be closer to them. "I want to go home." She said.

"But Lily, I thought you wanted-"

"I said I want to go home!" And then she was crying. This was the first time that James had ever seen her like this. Of course he had seen her cry, but somehow this was different. "I hate this place. They shouldn't be here, they didn't deserve it, I didn't deserve it! I was supposed to have a dad who was there to tell you to treat me right and I was supposed to have a mum who…who didn't have to work all the time to make up for the fact that my dad wasn't around. Things should be different!"

He didn't have anything to say. Things should be different for her. She deserved for things to be different. "I-I don't-" He stuttered out.

"You wouldn't understand," She said, suddenly bitter. "You've got a perfect life."

He felt rage building up inside his chest, but there was something more. He was hurt, he had thought that she had understood him. "Yeah? Because your life is very tragic, Evans. You think that just because I don't wallow in my own pity like you that my life is perfect? Well, I've got news for you, you couldn't be more wrong." He paused, but only to let out a few ragged breaths. "Your life isn't as bad as you make it out to be anyway! You've had some tragic things happen to you, but we all have! I've shared my life with you and if that's not good enough for you then there's nothing more that I can do!" He didn't feel bad, not in the least bit, this was all on her. If she didn't want to get better then he couldn't force her. As much as he wished she would smile and laugh more, he couldn't do anything to change her. And he was only just learning that.

"I'm sorry." She said, voice hoarse. "You know I didn't mean-"

"No, I don't know anything." He told her, placing a silver key in her hand. "Come back when you're ready, when you decide what you want."

* * *

He didn't know where she went, but she wasn't back that night or the next. He was going mad.

Of course he had told her to stay away until she got herself in order, but he was still worried for her. For what she would do. He hoped that she had learned something about how great it was to live while she had been with him. He hoped he was right about her.

But the anger was still there, bubbling under the surface because she had spoken without thinking about anyone but herself. For these past months he had chosen his words carefully, trying his hardest to heal her. And sure he had slipped up once or twice, but it was nothing like this. In a way he was happy she had said this anyway, because it had clearly been something that she was bothered by, something that she had buried beneath kind words and smiles. He was happy that he finally understood that he was as alone as her, in that this journey was all his own. Their argument had helped him realize that he was getting better because it was something that he wanted very badly, something that he was doing his best to achieve. He listened to the therapist's advice, took his pills at the right times, and spent time with people who wanted to be there for him. Lily, on the other hand, threw her pills in the rubbish bin when she thought he wasn't looking, much preferred to sit on the couch staring blankly at the television, and didn't try very hard to get well.

He blamed her. She was too caught up in her own head to see that she was the problem, that she ruined her own chances. She smiled and she joked around, but he could see through that. She liked to think she was strong, but she was falling apart.

And suddenly he thought that he was a step ahead of her. He found that he liked it better the other way around.

* * *

Lily had been gone for a month. Her absence still shook him even as the days passed increased. He would open his palm and remember the word she wrote there. He would open the fridge and find the coke bottles that he had no taste for. He would unlock his phone and find all of his Queen music. He would walk into the kitchen and remember their first fight. He would walk past her room and find the door sealed tight, locking away any memories that her personal items would bring.

She ignored his calls and texts. He didn't know if she was still around anymore.

It wasn't that he forgave her, it wasn't that at all. It was that he loved her. Even through this blazing rage he still wanted to make sure she was safe and all right. Loving her was beginning to drive him insane. He didn't cry, though, it was his turn to be strong and hers to let her emotions fall where they may.

He had always turned the possibility of Lily leaving over in his mind. He had thought he would be able to resume his life as it had been before she entered. He was wrong. Without him realizing it, she had grown on him, had got under his skin.

The door burst open and for a fleeting second he thought it was her, but it was only Sirius and Remus. He was happy to see them, he had just been hopeful that it had been her.

"Prongs!" Sirius shouted, kicking the door closed. "I have big news!"

"Bigger than that time you made pasta by yourself?"

"I don't know if anything could top that." Remus interjected. "I mean, unless the pasta was cooked more, but other than that I don't think so." James snorted.

"Moony's still upset because I didn't let him have any, but that's-"

"I am not! I didn't even want your raw fu-"

"Mum says no cursing!" James shouted.

Sirius and Remus shared a look. "Mummy's boy." They said in unison.

James grumbled something unintelligible under his breath. "Did you just come to insult me?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew for a fact that this wasn't the reason they were here, but they were ganging up on him and it _would_ be somewhat fun to play them a bit. "Because if so, just leave."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You know we're kidding."

"Do I?" He challenged. "Lately you've just been making everything so hard on me."

"What are you-" A grin broke out over Sirius's face. "Hard on you? I've just begun to realize that my mate is kind of an asshole?"

"These comments just stab at my heart."

"You're so full of shit." They shared a look and broke into laughter. "Now! For my news!" Sirius paused, a broad grin overtaking his face. "We got you a job!"

"A _what_?"

"You don't do anything anyway, just agree."

" _What?"_ James gave Sirius a strange look. "Did you forge my papers?"

"Well-"

"You do know that that's _illegal_ , right?"

"Then try not to send me to prison, mate." Sirius said, clapping James on the back. "Interview's on Monday."

* * *

Sure, James had been angry when Sirius had told him about the job, but now he was raging mad.

 _"I'm going to kill you." He hissed over the phone._

 _"It's not that bad, Prongs."_

 _"Are you fucking kidding me? There's no way in hell I'm doing this."_

 _"I worked hard for this."_

 _"You got me an interview at a police station!"_

 _"What's the problem? Isn't that what you've trained for?"_

 _"Firstly, why the hell did you forge my working papers to a police station?"_

 _"Your signature is two scribbles."_

 _"Not how! Why? And to a bloody police station at that!"_

 _"Your mum and dad would've bailed me out, need be."_

 _"You're an ass."_

 _"Yeah, well…what was that second thing you wanted to talk about?"_

 _"Oh, right. Petunia Dursley works here! She actually heads the entire interview process!"_

 _"Who?"_

 _"Lily's sister."_

 _Sirius snorted over the phone. "Good luck getting the job then." He hung up the phone._

That had been a few minutes ago and now he was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair staring into Petunia's piercing blue eyes.

"Petunia, I-"

"Mrs. Dursley." She corrected smoothly. Those were her first words since he had entered the room. She had mostly been staring at him in stunned silence. She pulled his file from the neat stack on the corner of her desk and pushed it open. She examined the contents with pursed lips, her long manicured nails running over the lines on his resumé. He prayed to God that Sirius hadn't written anything too mortifying. _Hopefully Remus had a part in this…_

She exhaled loudly and placed the folder back onto the pile. "Mr. Potter-"

"It's James-"

" _Mr. Potter,"_ She repeated tersely. "Why do you want this job?"

Her hair was in a neat blonde bun at the base of her neck and it occurred to him that she had been doing this all day, that she was more or less reading from a script.

"It's what I've always wanted." The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them.

"Well, you see, that is a reason one would apply for a job. I am aware that you were briefly enrolled in police academy before quitting and the importance of your last name is glaringly obvious. Tell me something I don't already know from your file Mr. Potter."

"I told you. This is what I've always wanted." He replied. "I don't know if your file tells you _why_ I gave up on police academy."

"Yes," She said, removing a paper from the folder. "It does." She pushed the paper across the table to show him. From what he could see, it was the official letter of resignation that his father had insisted he wrote.

 _Peter Pettigrew is dead and the police didn't come in time to stop it._

It was written in his smudged handwriting. He remembered that it was all he could stomach to write before essentially going into hiding. He knew now, six months later, that there was nothing the police could have done to stop the explosion.

Petunia snatched the paper back with a sigh. "As much as I would rather not…my boss would have my head if I didn't hire you, but I'm obligated to say that we'll send you an email within the next week or two."

"Thanks." He said, standing up to leave.

"Lily came to stay at my flat." She said, handing him a card with her address on it. "She's been…she's been getting better, but she's not happy without you. My husband will be home by seven, you'd better not still be there when he does." Petunia said reluctantly. "Go get her and then never speak to me again."

* * *

It had felt like a million years since James had been outside Petunia's flat. His hands were trembling and he was looking from the building to the card in his hand even though he knew exactly where he was.

Lily was in there. She had been in there for a month, ignoring his calls and texts and doing who knows what. He didn't know if he wanted to go inside. She was safe, that should be good enough for him. He shouldn't want to chase her anywhere. He shouldn't need to see her laugh or fall asleep anymore, if he really loved her he should be ok with her being happy without him. But he wasn't; it wasn't enough.

He pulled the car door open. He couldn't wait for the elevator, his heart was racing too hard for him to stand still. So he was running up ten flights of stairs, tripping and stumbling the entire way.

He knocked on the door that he knew belonged to the Dursley's; he then shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

"Lily," He panted when she opened the door. He had forgotten how beautiful she was. He forgot how red her hair was and how green her eyes were. He forgot about the freckles across her nose and the dimples that came out when she smiled as she was now.

"James," She whispered. And they were staring at each other, not quite knowing what to do. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but nothing came out and her hands were twisting in her hair. He wanted to touch her to make sure she was real, but he wasn't sure if this was the right time or place. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to do those things anymore. Her lips were trembling and he didn't know for certain whether she was angry or about to cry. He could hear his heart beating in his throat and he wanted something to happen. He wanted her to confirm or deny whether he had made the right decision by coming here, if she thought he was worth anything.

She swallowed hard and then she ran into him, sending him stumbling backwards. Her arms were around him and her face was buried in his shirt. He could feel her shaking as he tentatively wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." She mumbled against him. But he knew, he knew, he already knew. She pulled away, but only to push the key roughly into his hand. "I don't want this."

"But aren't you coming back?"

"Yeah, if you'll let me."

"Of course, but how-"

"I don't want the key. I want you to be there to open the door for me and I know it's irrational, but I don't want it."

"Lily, I-"

"Thank you." She whispered. "I don't know if I've said it, and even if I had, it wasn't often enough. You gave up everything for a girl you barely knew and you don't know how happy I am that you did." She closed her eyes.

Then her arms were around him again. "I've just missed you so much."

* * *

When they returned, Lily told James about how she had been getting better. How she had been taking her pills and how it had been helping, but she had missed him and she had confused where her sadness was coming from.

And it was moving quickly. They were dating and she was laughing and so was he. He bought her ice cream and she pushed it into his face. She came around the police station and sat on his desk forcing him to stop working to listen to her bad jokes, in fact it had gotten so bad that the chief, Alastor Moody, had offered her a job as a secretary. They bought a cat and named it Alley, which was a stupid name that Lily had thought of and then laughed for nearly an hour about it. _"Get it James? Alley cat!"_ She helped him make dinner and never burnt the house down and the word home had joined contraband by the window. They went to see a concert together because _"Wait, Lily, you've never been to a concert? This can't be real."_ Sirius and Remus liked to cat sit even though Sirius consistently complained that he was more of a dog person, which was really ok because Alley didn't like him either.

Petunia quit her stable job at the police station and James saw the hurt in Lily's eyes when she saw her sister had in her resignation papers, but the day before he had found a letter on his desk in Petunia's swirly handwriting that told him to take care of Lily.

Marlene joined the police force and they all took a picture together which was now hanging crookedly on his wall. Lily liked to come and look at it whenever she was upset. She still kissed him all the time and called him an idiot; He still kissed her back and told her that he knew.

"Listen," She said one morning, sitting on top of his desk. "I think I'm going to quit."

"What? Why?"

"Because desk work is boring and I'd like to be out in the field, but I've got no training."

And when she approached Moody he laughed in her face and told her that there was no way in hell that he would allow her to quit and that he would train her himself if it came to that. He claimed it was because they were low on staff, but James knew it was because Moody had taken a liking to Lily and her brilliant smile. He must have seen something in her restless nature and her need to do something important. James knew that he had.

She snorted when she laughed and liked asking about his day even though they worked in the same building. Some nights, when he worked late, she would come, arms laden with carry away. She would sit on one of those uncomfortable chairs he had sat in during his interview and throw her legs onto his desk. She wouldn't say a word, only watch him meticulously sort through papers while she slurped noodles from the carry away container.

"Are you going to help?" He had snapped after a few minutes.

"No." She said returning her gaze to the noodles.

"Then why did you come?"

"To keep you company." She grinned broadly. "Did you want me to leave?"

"Yeah, actually, you're interrupting my zen." And then they both burst out laughing.

"Right, wouldn't want to do that."

Her visits had gone something like that for a while, at least until she was swamped with work of her own. And he was so happy because she was so happy and she would come home tired, but smiling so hard and she would always find time to have tea with him and talk about their respective days.

And everything was great, amazing even. Until it wasn't.

* * *

It started with the fire in Cambridge. Four dozen people were found, their faces unrecognizable and burned to a crisp. Only one woman made it out alive. Her name was Felicia Elliot and she had taken her children to a local department store, but had run back to her car, leaving them with her husband, when she realized that she had forgotten her money. She said that by the time she turned around to go back inside the building was on fire and she was too afraid to do anything about it. Nearby, spray painted on a brick wall in green, was the symbol of the Death Eaters.

The Death Eaters were a notorious gang, known for their killing sprees and robberies. The police station had been looking through files for weeks, trying to find some sort of pattern in the killings. Race was not a factor and neither was age.

The ringleader was known as Voldemort, but that was the most anyone knew about him. Felicia claimed that she had seen a tall man whose face was covered in scars fleeing the crime scene, but it was more than unlikely that he had committed the crime himself. Lily and James were falling apart at the seams. Most of the time they were together was spent in silence, pouring over their notes. Once Lily seemed as though she was going to say something, but then she shut her mouth and continued shuffling through her papers. And it seemed that when he was finally exhausted and had asked to be taken off of the case she continued with more energy, staying awake later hours searching for a correlation between the crimes.

Every available surface of the flat was strew with reports and confidential files.

"What's got you so interested in this case?" He asked one day.

"Fire." She said simply, her voice scratchy from disuse. And he understood. And it all came back to him, how she had looked at Felicity when she had told her story and how Lily knew all the right things to say. It also occurred to him that that must've been who she was always going out for lunch with.

And she jumped just then, papers scattering onto the floor. She came in front of him, eyes bright, and kissed him.

"I've got it!" She said. "I've finally got it!" She grinned and laughed, rubbing at her tired eyes. "It was so easy!"

"Hmm? What was the pattern?"

"That's confidential information, Potter." He laughed and sat next to her on the couch. "See, he chooses victims based on background. Obviously he targets police officers, but a recurring theme also seems to be people who lived in Croydon in the 1930s."

"Croydon? Well, if there was one place you'd expect a gang leader to come from it's Croydon."

She nodded. "It's always been impoverished." She picked up a few scattered papers. "But there's something else. The people he's targeting are from the Croydon orphanage. It's more than likely that he lived in the orphanage during the 30s as well. Now, not only do we know the Death Eater's killing pattern, we are also one step closer to learning who this Voldemort is."

"Lily, that's amazing." He grabbed her hands. "That's incredible."

Her cheeks darkened and she looked away. "Thanks."

He grinned. "Stop being an idiot. There's no reason to be embarrassed, you deserve all of the praise you get."

"Yeah, you're right." She said, looking up at him. "But you're the idiot for not solving this sooner."

* * *

Moody was ecstatic on Monday morning. "I knew there was a reason I hired you, Evans!"

And then a few months passed and now James had a new weight. One that hung in his pocket, always with him, but a complete secret to everyone else. He didn't know when the time was right.

He was completely sure about her. Sure that he was in love with her, sure that he wanted to marry her. But he didn't know when or how to ask and the ring was getting heavier in his pocket every day. And he thought that Lily might now because he was constantly reaching into his pocket, as if to make sure it was still there even though he could feel is _every second._

There was another problem though. He was scared. Terrified to ask her because they were targeting cops and _his_ parents were one of the most well known ones out there. There were some days, especially now after she had told everyone of her discoveries, that he would wake up and want to run away. To leave her in that bed and never see her again because she would be safe without him. And he was confident that they could survive without each other, that she could become whatever she wanted and that he could move far away and become a cop somewhere safer, but he didn't want to and that scared him more than anything. He wasn't supposed to be selfish. He was supposed to be fearless and loyal and want the best for everyone. But he wanted to be happy so badly.

He had always been relatively happy, but never like this. He had never been grateful for what he had when he woke up, he had never felt anything like it.

She was laughing when he finally asked her. Her cheeks were painted red from the cold and she was wearing his jacket. He was acutely aware that he liked the way she looked in his clothing and that 'Potter' was written somewhere inside and that he thought the name Lily Potter was rather fitting.  
"Marry me, yeah?" He asked.

She instantly stopped laughing, but the traces of a smile were still on her face. "Well, maybe if you said _please_."

"Please marry me." And now he was laughing because he knew that she was going to say yes but she loved playing him like this.

"Sure, why not?" She wound her arms around his neck. "I don't have anything better to do with my time."

"Well, if it's such a burden-" But he couldn't finish his thought because she was kissing him and whispering something that he couldn't quite hear.

She grabbed the ring from his hand and slid it onto her finger. "You could never be a burden, Potter."

It was then that he finally understood why he should never be scared. Because she was Lily and she was never afraid and if she saw a future filled with hope and dreams then he'd be glad to come along for the ride. And he wasn't afraid anymore.

* * *

It happened on a Tuesday. Dumbledore, a colleague of James's parents arrived in front of the apartment. Lily was already eight months pregnant by that time and when Dumbledore spoke James could feel the world splitting at the seams. They were being targeted by the Death Eaters. They were going to have to run away.

"There's a safe house." James found himself saying. "No one knows where it is aside from Peter and he's dead." There was a ringing in his ears and Lily was speaking, but James couldn't understand. She was touching her stomach, asking what they had to do, reaching for his hand.

"It'll be all right. We'll be all right." She told him confidently.

There was packing, so much packing. He threw his clothing into suitcases, they would have to pack light to avoid being detected. He would have to leave the place by the window that said contraband and home. Sirius promised to watch it, but James didn't want to leave. This was home. There was a pizza place down the road where they ordered pizza only to let it go cold and there was an ice cream shop that served the best vanilla ice cream he had ever had.

He didn't want to leave any of it. But he had made most of those memories with Lily and she was coming with him. She would remember the way their flat looked. She would remember the moment she decided that she no longer wanted to sleep by herself. They had each other for reminders, he wasn't really leaving at all. That realization didn't make the situation any easier.

"It's a boy, his name is going to be Harry, and you'll be the godfather." James had whispered to Sirius the day he left. Sirius hugged him tightly.

"Take care of Sirius, yeah?" James said to Remus. "I'll miss you."

And then he and Lily were gone with no traces that they had lived there at all.

* * *

James was terrified. And he told Lily. "I don't know what's going to happen."

She laughed. "Neither do I."

"We could die tomorrow. Before Harry is even…"

"But we won't."

"How do you know that?"

"You're just going to have to trust me."

"Yeah, well…" And then she was kissing him softly, as if she was scared that they would both break. She touched his arms and his shoulders and his face and his neck, really any part that she could reach. He was kissing her too, his arms stable on her back. He could taste salt, but he wasn't sure which one of them was crying and it didn't matter much, at least not when she was running her fingers through his hair and moving her lips more urgently.

"We have forever." She told him.

"Yeah," He agreed, "forever."

* * *

Forever doesn't last as long as one might think. Life is funny that way. One moment you think you're going to grow old together and the next you're dead.

Peter was supposed to be dead, but he wasn't. He was part of some secret society that James did not understand too well. It didn't matter whether he understood or not because they had a gun and they were breaking his door down.

James thought about Lily and Harry. Harry, their baby, the one who they loved with everything, with all of the love that they had wanted. And now he was going to die.

"Lily, take Harry and go!" She was watching him for a moment, then her attention was diverted to the baby in her arms and she nodded, running up the stairs, two at a time.

Then a man who must have been Voldemort entered the room. He had a face disfigured with scars, cuts, and bruises and his gun was pointed at James.

He could only think of Lily as the man aimed with his gun. Not about his lack of weapon or the fact that she, along with Harry, was in danger. He could only think of that terribly miserable girl with the puffy red eyes who wanted to jump off of a cliff. The one who screamed and pulled on her hair, the one who wiped away her tears while telling him to back off and mind his own business.

He thought about the frail girl who had sat on the edge of his couch and talked coldly about the sister whom he knew she was broken up about.

He thought about the girl who had let Sirius and Remus into his flat despite his protests. She had put a firm hand on his back and said: "You've got people who care about you, that's more than most can say. Don't block them out."

He thought about the girl who had pushed an ice cream cone into his face, the girl who loved coca-cola with a passion, the girl who touched him all over when she was kissing him, the girl who understood what it was to die in a way that James could never quite grasp.

In the blur of a bullet and the sharp pain in his heart it was all turned to black. The last thing he heard was the echo of the bullet being released from the gun and James finally understood why Lily hated echoes. Because it meant that now he was surely alone.


End file.
